as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
