Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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