I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
