is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
