So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
