Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
