Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
