The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
