man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Semen is not good for contacts.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
