Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
