Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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