I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
