I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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