Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
