if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
