my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
