my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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