your thong is hanging out like whoa
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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