We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
