I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
