Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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