Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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