You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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