Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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