We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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