i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
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1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
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We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
pray to the hookup gods