i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?