I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.