took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what day is it and did you see me today?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The pigeons can smell the fear
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives