well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
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i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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