I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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