i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
