I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
