that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
