I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
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