so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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