You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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