whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
