Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
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No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So vagazzling was a success
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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