I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
