i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
