I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
