I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
