well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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