I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
