I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you win again, gameday.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
