the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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