I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize