Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
