I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
