there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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