My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
