Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
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Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale