Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
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there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that