I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
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I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit