Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
