guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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