I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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