it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
