My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Randomize
