Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
