I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
