Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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