You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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