This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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