I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
