Tell her she can't have a vagina
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
