I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
