Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
